Pick Your Nose Like Nobody’s There

Coming from a small town where the local business for young people seems to be breeding; our town slogan should be Chilliwack: Teen age pregnancy capital of Canada. I mean most of the people I have graduated with are married and pumping out offspring like a Pez dispenser. Most of them have never stepped out of the city limits as if they would catch on fire the moment they cross town outskirts. I don’t like people wearing my socks let only dating someone that my friend has dated before.

I must tell the readers I’m pretty much a jerk. I mean I hate everyone. You name it I hate. The only saving grace in my life is my dog otherwise I think I would be dating Bubba in cell block D and selling smokes for protection.

Stepping out of myself onto a metaphysical state I have come to appreciate kids more and more these days. I mean, I must have some kids around somewhere in the world. I just assume they will be contacting me when they turn 18 and are looking for money.

My recent foray into the lighter side of humanity is the fact that one friend just recently had a baby girl who is way cuter than my friend (who is famous for his gigantic sack. I’ll let the readers visualize this image). Thanks God genetics is a mad scientist, though his mom is quite a catch so that might explain the cutest of the little girl.

My recent friend’s ability to spawn and my recent viewing of 6 year olds play soccer across my apartment has made me less cynical towards life and sports in recent days. Though I am starting to warm to kids I do like playing with them but when the big hand hit the 12 on the clock I go home.

Amidst all this cuteness arises the most ugly aspect of sports. The sports parent. Nothing worse than middle aged men living vicariously through there children. The saddest thing in the world is trying to live through your child vicariously with your shattered expectation draped upon them. I mean less than 1% of the people ever make it to the pros. Come on parents you really think you have a shot. If you were not recruited by the universities and play on some beer league team as a means of sport glory; get a life.

The world is full aware of these people as they grow up. For example.
Albert Belle
Tanya Harding
Theron Fleury Barry Bonds
Terral OwensKenny Rogers

For the love of god don’t let your kids grow up to be Tanya Harding unless you want you sons and daughter to dance on a pole for a living.
Aside from the pushy parents and very hot soccer moms (or as I like to call them yummy mummies) there is a true meaning of sport: The Children. Yes the children are our future; corny as it seems watching 6 year old kids play any sports can warm the cockles of even the hardest men.

I must have watched those kids play for over an hour. No systems, no technique, no plans or schemes, just a bunch of midgets following a soccer ball around with the exception of that one boy picking flowers, his nose and dancing (now that’s multi tasking). I think I might have spotted the next Rudi Gulindi.

The purest sense of sports is having fun without the media, criticism or fan backlash. No one is going to yell at the kid for picking his nose because that’s the way he plays. He is not worried about the fans, parents or coaches. He is having fun without monetary compensation.

Watching, wagering and critiquing sports have made the world into one big asshole, with opinion which may or not be valid. I say no profession athlete should get paid to play sports which would only create players that play for the love of the game. Of course this would be the best case scenario for a utopian world and I know for sure that the world is full of losers living vicariously through their children. Pushing them to play a game they no longer love.

I know my friend will be better parent than that; he has to be since his really had no sports expectations to begin with. Though a good soccer player I’m and sure he won’t push his kid like some of the parents we see on TV but in event he is I have child services on speed dial.

So I say to all of the professional athletes, Sunday warriors, and Olympics athletes;

Pick your nose like nobody’s there cause that what I will pay to see.